Just a Couple of Chippies

Updated Look

2009-11-06T01:50:00.010-06:00

Tis the season for change. Deana & I are both working hard at improving our health. Of course, the major tactic in meeting this goal is weight loss. Three weeks ago I took the plunge and 'talked to Jenny.' Since joining Jenny Craig, I have lost a little over 8 pounds - I still have a ways to go but I gotta say woo hoo! Since I am not brave enough to post any photos of my body at this point, I updated the blog header. Let me introduce the two chippies.

It's nice to meet you.

Happy Birthday Nisy

2009-11-03T15:33:00.002-06:00

Here's an pictorial overview of the festivities this weekend. Many happy returns to the fabulous birthday girl...

Happy Halloween

2009-10-30T23:15:00.003-05:00

A spruced up photo of my adorable nephew to celebrate the Halloween spirit.

17 Years Old

2009-10-19T12:14:00.002-05:00

No Fun.

2009-09-30T09:51:00.008-05:00

Don't you just hate it when you find something totally awesome and they don't fit? I wonder if I am too old for foot binding..... P.S. They actually cleaned up quite nicely.......

Jenn says: Well if they don't fit you then I can certainly kiss any chance at those suckers goodbye...although my level of interest in and appreciation for the used, white, lace-up stripper boots is admittedly less intense. But I have a sneaking suspicion that 'Cinnamon' might be getting a very special birthday gift this year.

Deana says: Not so fast. Did you think I was justt kidding about the whole foot binding thing?

Jenn says: I know how badly you *want* the stripper boots to fit but I also know that you couldn't make it one day with your feet bound, my little lotus flower. Besides who wants to end up with feet that look like this?!?

Special Edition Life Coaching: Dream On

2009-09-23T19:08:00.005-05:00

I have this recurring dream, well not so much a go-to-sleep-and-fantasize dream but more like a get-distracted-and-lose-focus-when-you're-supposed-to-be-working dream. And my dream is this: I am someone else, rather I am me but in another dimension. And frankly in this life, I am fabulous. I must have an inner desire for inordinate success or crave recognition because I can spend significant amounts of my workday imagining how different, how wonderful my life would be if only I were cuter/better/richer/popular/ skinnier/substitute your own adjective here. It's not so much that I really desire to *be* someone else. It's that I desire life to be different, to be easier, to be more satisfying, to require less effort, to offer escape...my own private "Calgon - take me away" montage. And I am not alone. If my girlfriends and I are representative of our age group, there are a whole lotta thirty-something mommies needing a small reprieve. So know this:

It's ok to dream.

It's Husker Time!

2009-09-06T15:06:00.003-05:00

This is my favorite time of the year in Nebraska. I love how the lingering days of indian summer turn to the crisp, cool evenings of fall. I love transitioning out of shorts & tank tops and into pants & jackets. And I love Nebraska football...so do all of my girlfriends.

That's right. We love football.

Love

2009-09-02T23:27:00.004-05:00

I have been neglecting the blog...but then that is true for nearly every aspect of my life. I have learned over the past few weeks a very hard truth: when your child is ill and away from home life does not just 'go on' despite your best efforts. Sometimes your best efforts in actuality suck. Grand Master B is still recovering. He 's awaiting placement in a residential treatment facility. It's becoming all too clear that the process of his getting well is going to be a long, drawn out affair. And when that is all you can think (obsess) about, everyday life just ceases to exist. I am having trouble focusing on household chores, work, socializing...even television requires effort to watch. Everything requires effort.

So I just wanted to take a minute to thank my husband for his love, patience and his support. I am quite certain that neither one of us imagined our first anniversary would occur among such discord. But we persevere. We communicate. We swallow anger and apologize when we forget to swallow anger. We remember that 'us' needs attention too. And we hold each other up.

Jim - Thank you for everything. I love you like crazy.

Life Coaching Saturday...er, Sunday

2009-08-09T22:21:00.011-05:00

This weekend's segment is coming a tiny bit late but Grand Master B has been in the hospital all week and things have been crazy. He is doing better but has a long road to go towards full recovery. After everything that has happened over the past 7 days, I was having doubts about the wisdom of continuing on as a Life Coach. After all, my own life feels like it is spinning madly out of control and I know that I am managing to hold onto sanity by a mere shred of that oft mentioned thread. But then I realized that it is my very life experience, particularly the more challenging aspects that provides my deepest insight about survival and growth. Deana and the kids came over last night for a visit and Deana fixed me dinner. It was absolute heaven to sit back and let go, knowing that I finally didn't have to do anything. After dinner, D and I spent a long time just talking. It was funny, touching, sad and liberating to let the words pour out. I am left with the following lesson:

Hang onto your sense of humor as it may be the thing that saves you in the end

Just when you think you've hit rock bottom and there is nowhere left to go, you'll find that there is a laugh at the end of the tunnel. Even when we are forced to confront our deepest fears, all is not lost if you remember to breathe deeply and look for the humor. I find it particularly cathartic to be able to laugh at one's self. Laughter is healing. Giggling is restorative. Sputtering, guffawing and snickering brings peace. To quote one of the best movies ever made*, "Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion."

As you might recall, Deana and I have been struggling with weight and self-esteem issues (insert reference to the Master Cleanse folly here). But while we continue to strive for healthier lifestyles, we've embraced the one upside to gaining weight - BOOBS. Comparing cleavage, hell, actually having cleavage is downright miraculous for me. And I'll go out on a limb and share that is a relatively new concept for Deana as well. Last weekend, we attended a Toby Keith concert in Kansas City and got absolutely giddy squishing our breasts together to maximize their new found lushness. As you can see, we've documented this silliness for posterity. Maybe not the most proper or mature thing we've ever done...but then we already know that neither of us is ever running for public office. The mega doses of funny produced by this endeavor went a long way toward easing my burdens this week...and for that I am extremely thankful.

* I am referring, of course, to Steel Magnolias.

The Littlest Potter...with a side of two complete witches!

2009-08-06T23:01:00.005-05:00

I am so, so tardy in blogging about the many magical adventures of the littlest Harry Potter...but in my defense a heavy workload, a family vacation and an asthma exacerbation conspired to keep my fingers from flying across these hallowed keys. But I prevail! And let me tell you what a fabulous night it was. Deana ran to Nobbies & found Mr. Sam an actual Harry Potter ensemble, including wand and glasses, as well as a cape and Griffyndor scarf for Princess Izzy. Sam and I went early to save seats prior to the midnight debut of the film. There were actually MORE people in costumes than I would have thought...and I thought quite a few people would don witch's hats and wizard's robes in celebration of this spectacle. As you can imagine, Mr. Sam in full-on Harry garb was extremely popular with the crowd. He got asked to have his picture taken by many a costumed reveler and so I snapped several pics of him amongst the masses as well. He really was very cute.

And speaking of cute, Deana and I got into the spirit of things also:

I was kinda pleased to be able to get some use out of the $22 hat I got for Mr. Sam as a souvenir from our recent Wicked encounter. Deana found a fabulous glitter witch's hat at Nobbies when she was buying the kid's costumes and she *had* to buy it for herself. Personally, I think we were the cutest adults in costume at the movie...but I might be biased. At any rate, you'll find it no surprise that both of us were completely at ease in the role. You might even say, we're a couple of complete witches (kudos to those that immediately get the Charmed reference).

And so we leave you with this last charming photo - Princess Izzy, Gryffindor Poster Girl and Lover of Things Wizarding.

I want to be Harry's girl.......

2009-07-17T11:37:00.010-05:00

So, yes we made it to midnight showing/opening night of 'Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince' and lived to tell about it. We attended in costume, but I will let Jenn blog more on that because she has all of the good photos on her camera. While watching the movie I just happened to notice that, hey that Harry Potter is getting kind of hot. So I googled 'Daniel Radcliffe' and discovered that he was born one year after I graduated from high school. But he's still legal, therefore any impure thoughts that I may or may not have have involving him are ok. Right?

Jenn says: Go get 'em, cougar. But I do remember when he was doing Equus on Broadway and promoting it all over TV land, I happened to watch a snippet of said promotion during "Inside the Actor's Studio" (it is on Bravo so I'm bound to see it sometime)....and he wasn't wearing a shirt and he looked yummy. Yes, I know - Hello, Pot!

Deana says: But do I have to be called a 'cougar'? I just hate that. Isn't there something else? How about 'sugar mama'? Nope. That is worse. And I'm broke, so that won't work. Hot old American lady?

We're Harry Potter Geeks

2009-07-12T13:37:00.008-05:00

So Grand Master B is now 16 and, although he is seriously misguided, believes himself to "be a grown man, Mom." He has abandoned many of his old childhood interests, but not Harry Potter. No way. I discovered the book "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone" (the original title as published in England) in 1998. Frankly, it was not my usual sort of book purchase as 1) it was about a magical world with witches & warlocks, dragons & evil sorcerers and I'm not generally a supernatural, Dungeons & Dragons type of girl and 2) it was a children's book. But B was just turning 6 and loved to read - just like me. I thought it was something that might interest him and that we could read together...and we did. We loved this book and anxiously awaited the next release in the series over the next 9 years. We read every book together, with me reading out loud to B using clever voices like the nerd I am (except for the last book because he was "too old" to be read to). Since the release of the movies, we have watched each one in the theater and collected all the DVDs. About a year ago, Deana's son Mr. Sam was spending the night. Grand Master B and I introduced this beautiful, creative, imaginative boy to the world of Harry Potter...and wonder of wonders he loved it, too. Since then, the love of all things Potter has spread to include Princess Izzy and Deana (Dave had already read all the books). So we've all been anxiously awaiting the premiere of the 6th movie "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Price" which is this week - 7/15/2009. And like the geeks we are, this band of merrymakers already has their tickets...for the midnight showing on Wednesday the 15th. This is the first time I've ever been to the midnight premiere but we bought tickets online and all of us are going - even Jim (though it is possible that he is a bit less enthusiastic about this midnight adventure than the rest of us). Mr. Sam is going dressed as Harry Potter which is cute and funny because he is 5. I am going dressed in dark jeans/T-shirt with a large, black witch's hat purchased as a souvenir (for Mr. Sam) from our recent trip to see "Wicked" which is totally dorky, but still funny because I am not 5. I have yet to inform Grand Master B of this addition to my wardrobe because I want the mortification to be fresh on the night of the actual event. But I will end this post by sharing my new favorite pic of B. He got his braces off a few weeks ago and his teeth look amazing. I actually got him to smile wide for a photo of those gorgeous chompers. I love it!

Deana says: As for the Harry Potter premier, I told my husband, just for fun let's call him 'He who cannot be named' (What? It fits with the post!) about the outing and he wanted to know if we got him a ticket. Ooops. Well, he probably wouldn't have been off work in time any way......

A New Direction

2009-07-11T18:19:00.007-05:00

In the course of several telephone calls between Deana and I today, we began discussing the crap hands life has dealt both of us lately (and by lately, I might personally mean too effing long...but hey, that's just me). Naturally, we hashed over and shared all the ways we have coped with said stress. And frankly, I'm super impressed with our abilities and kind of astounded by the similarity of our philosophies as we actually have very different temperaments. Our combined experiences have left us with a unique perspective on this journey we call life, as well as a few tried-and-true strategies to find and create joy in one's life rather than just survive each day. And that's when it hit us: We should become life coaches. Now, obviously it takes time, persistence, marketing and word of mouth to become successful in this business...and, of course, your coaching needs to produce results. To kick start our new roles, we'd like to offer four proven strategies for dealing with adversity and improving the joy in your life.

Be open to change in your life, including new ideas, things and people.Sometimes we get too caught up in our own comfort zone. We become entrenched in outdated habits, suspicious of new people, judgmental of foreign concepts and ideas and closed off to change. Now I am the first to admit that I do not like change per se, but some of the best moments in my life and some of my closest friends came by taking a chance and embracing change. The photo above is an example of a new friend I met one night when the girls were out on a 'Bad Mommies' night. By moving outside my immediate circle of friends to include someone new, I (and by extension the other gals) got the opportunity to get to know a really great guy...for that night anyway. This particular encounter did not develop into a friendship. But I was open to change and took the plunge into the unknown. I feel that I am a better person for this and I think you can see that he was just as glad to have met me.

Acknowledge the beauty in yourself, develop your talents and seek out creativity every day.

You may not be aware of this, but Deana has a very strong background in 'The Theater', including a BFA in Acting as culmination of her undergraduate years at UNL. At one point in time, Deana intended a career as an actress. However, life (and the need for reliable employment, a steady paycheck and the ability to eat at regular intervals) has moved her from that career in the arts to one in law (while you can make the argument that there is an awful lot of acting that goes on in the legal profession, I work in medicine and throw no stones). And it turned out that Deana absolutely loves her work. But she has not abandoned creativity and expression in her life. We have regular scary-oke, I mean karaoke nights which are so much fun and very therapeutic. Never forget the healing power of song...or dance, or crafting, or art. Whatever your passion, make sure to include it in your everyday life. Celebrate the majesty of who you are and the power inside of you.

Recapture the adventurous spirit of childhood, the freedom to completely let go and enjoy the moment.

I cannot stress the importance of "letting it all go" enough. Each of us has a job, a family, a home and financial obligations that demand the majority of our time and attention. This is good and as it should be for the most part. But as with everything in life, balance is the key. Too many people become so focused on the "grown-up responsibilities" that they forget life is supposed to be fun. Savoring each opportunity to surround ourselves with positivity, to choose joy and to purposely seek out fun & relaxation leads to improved mental health...not to mention an undeniable attractiveness. Just check out my good friend Kozy. He has adopted this particular strategy as personal mantra of sorts and it has proven extremely successful.

Always remember to be the best friend you can be to those that you love and they will return your love and kindness in abundance.

I was lucky enough to have met Deana when I was 18 years old at the start of my freshman year at UNL. I feel even luckier that our friendship has not just lasted but also prospered over the intervening years (though I will not say just how many years that has been - a lady never reveals her age). We have also been lucky enough to have introduced each other to many other friends, most very, very nice people but a couple real douchebags (c'mon, you know I mean your law-school buddy Johanna...and don't forget my asshat ex). Yet, many of these people have become very close to both of us, forming a circle of love and trust that surrounds us daily.

We hope that you have enjoyed this installment in our never ending quest for self-improvement. We are planning on making this a recurring theme, perhaps Life Coaching Saturdays. I don't know that we'll make it every Saturday- to be honest it depends on our social calendars. But since our dance cards have been shockingly EMPTY of late I'd say the odds are good for another life lesson next weekend. Pass the word about our services. Maybe someday we could even get paid for bestowing these tidbits of our accumulated wisdom...it could happen. Money would be great but we would settle for a couple of whistles. Really.

Really?

2009-07-11T09:19:00.005-05:00

I am sitting here listening to the radio at work. Yes, I know it is Saturday, what is your point? Have you been talking to my husband? Anyway, so they play this REO Speedwagon song, which yes I am singing along to in my office and when it's over, the DJ comes on and says how much he loves REO and that song in particular because it's 'peppy', his word not mine, and filled with so much l-o-v-e, again his phrasing. What song you may ask? 'Take it on the Run'. I kid you not. If you're unfamiliar, here is the first chorus --

Heard it from a friend who
Heard it from a friend who
Heard it from another you been messin' around
They say you got a boy friend
You're out late every weekend
They're talkin' about you and it's bringin' me down

How is that filled with love? Wait. Do you think he meant it was filled with love because this hussy is giving it up all over town? I suppose that is one way for a song to be filled with love. If you squint and think about it......

Jenn says: Ah, another moron - I'm so proud. Apparently it takes as much 'talent' to be a disc jockey as it does to be a sports announcer...which in my estimation is VERY little. It's like they just talk and talk without ever really hearing the lunacy of what they are saying. I actually heard a TV sports announcer say "You know [insert name of idiotic sportscaster of choice here], the team that puts the most points up on that board is gonna win this game".... Really?!? How insightful.

My children don't appreciate me

2009-07-11T00:03:00.003-05:00

So, it's Friday night. I've taken the kids to Blockbuster, got them a couple of movies. We had dinner watched their silly movies, I took a little nap during the Barbie one, they went downstairs to re-enact something they've just watched, I got to watch this week's episode of 'Rescue Me' that I missed on Tuesday (yeah firemen!) and I think, hey let's sing a little on-demand, Karaoke, like you do. I turn it on, discover a plethora of 'Supremes' music and decide to give my children they're first lesson on being a 'supreme'. This is how it goes. Princess Izzy, with her pink microphone in hand screams at me to stop singing because she wants to 'sing by herself' like she's Celine Dion or something. She doesn't even know the words. Mister Sam doesn't pay attention at all. He used to love this. Now he is too busy doing some sort of 5 yr old modified Akihito roll off of the love sack which he ends by trying to impale our couch with a piece of train track because he's watched 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' one too many times this week. Are they impressed with the dance moves I'm trying to teach them? No. Are they impressed that their mother knows every single word of these songs by heart and doesn't even have to look at the screen? No. Ok, I'll give them that one, they can't read, they have no idea. Do they have any idea of the magnitude of the gift I am so desperately trying to give them? No. I don't even know why I try.....

Independence Day

2009-07-09T04:09:00.010-05:00

Although this posting is several days tardy, we really enjoyed a lovely weekend celebrating the 4th of July. We kicked things off with the annual White Trash Bash held by a dear friend...we'll call her the Social Director. It is as delightfully tacky as it sounds. Every year on the eve of the 4th we set up lawn chairs, a boom box, a charcoal grill and a kiddie pool on the front lawn and celebrate. We come dressed in our best version of white trash couture and apply temporary tattoos liberally (in just the places that you're imagining). The hostess provides burgers and dogs while the rest of us bring sides and desserts. And, of course, it's strictly BYOB - preferably in continuation of the theme. My husband's drink of choice was a grape variety of Mad Dog 20/20, which in some sort of masochistic ritual dating back to his fraternity days he forced himself to consume in its entirety from the bottle (back off ladies, he's taken). Others were pulling on Old English Malt Liquor, PBR and Arbor Mist. I had fond college memories of Mickey's 40 ounce...until I remembered the massive hangover that accompanies drinking a 40 of Mickey's. The highlight of the evening was a "White Trash Food & Wine Pairing" put together by your favorite two chippies. But I'll let Deana post more about that later (um, since she drafted the WT Wine Pairing before I wrote this post, it actually posted before...good to know) .

On the actual 4th of July, the Judge was kind enough to host several of us for dinner, kiddie activities and fireworks at a local country club. It was very family oriented - lots of bouncy houses, obstacle courses and pony rides. The children had a blast! And the adults really enjoyed the relaxing atmosphere and GREAT food. And of course, the fireworks were amazing. The sky was lit up fantastically over the beautiful grounds of the golf course. So many feelings of pride, awe and patriotism are inspired in me every Independence Day. It was the perfect ending to a wonderful weekend...that has in typical fashion turned to absolute shit. But more on that later as well.

White Trash Wine Tasting

2009-07-07T15:04:00.005-05:00

As Jenn previously mentioned, at our dear friend's fabulous 'White Trash Bash', she and I designed our own 'White Trash Wine Dinner' loosely modeled after the fabulous wine dinners that Jenn's husband hosts every month at the restaurant that he manages. It was, I dare say, a smashing success, due in part to the influence of Little Jim, whom I'm sure you will recognize from previous posts. (As an aside, my photography skills have recently been called into question. I can assure you that it is totally my crappy camera not 'pilot error' as somebody so eloquently put it and when I say eloquently, I mean 'smart ass'; and I had the same amount to drink when I took them as everyone else did, your honor.) That being said, on with the show...

First course- Spray cheese from a can, American, it was the 4th of July, after all, served on Chicken in a Biscuit crackers paired with Bartel's and James Fuzzy Navel wine coolers for that flashback to high school.

Second course- Iceberg lettuce with your choice of Ranch or the local favorite, Dorothy Lynch dressing and a slice of wonder bread. Just like Grandma used to make. This was paired with a lovely Boones Farm Strawberry Hill, which really played off the iceberg lettuce nicely. No forks, by the way, this is a white trash wine dinner.

Third course-Campbell's condensed bean with bacon soup paired with a Wild Vine Strawberry White Zinfandel. For this course the soup was served in the Dixie cups, instead of the wine and each diner took a shot of the wine straight out of the bottle. Again, just like Grandma's house.

Fourth course- For our main course we chose a lovely Banquet zesty meat meal paired with Franzia chilled red wine from a box. Don't ask me what kind of meat it was, all the package said was 'meat'. I think it is better not to know.

Fifth course- For dessert we paired a lovely Mad Dog 20 20, 'Purple Rain' with an assortment of wafer cookies, again just like at Grandma's house. Hmm. I am sensing a theme that I think we may have missed........

The wine 'dinner' was a smashing success and to celebrate, Little Jim decided to get smashed himself and immediately dived headfirst into a mason jar full of Budweiser. I am sad to report that this was indeed his down fall, as later in the evening he took a nose dive out of the pocket of my housecoat where I thought he had passed out, and decapitated himself. Luckily there were a couple of doctors at the party, albeit Juris Doctors, but they really know their away around tub and tile caulk and toothpicks, and miraculously they put Little Jim back together again. Sans one teeny tiny hole in his head that could not be salvaged. But hey, now he's more like his namesake. If anyone would like any of our recipes, just shoot me an email. I'll be happy to direct to the sections of the grocery store where I purchased each course........

Bad Mommies Club

2009-07-02T08:40:00.004-05:00

We had our "Bad Mommies" club "meeting" last night. My last memory was asking the Judge to call my husband and then passing out on her couch, where I woke up this morning at 6:30. I let her dogs out, met her husband in the kitchen on my way to the bathroom, let the dogs back in, went home, showered, got ready for work, sucked up to my husband (No, not like that!) stopped on my way to work to get a diet coke "as big as my head" as Jenny White would say, and was still here by 8 a.m. Do I have a slight headache? Maybe. I am still a little drunk? Perhaps, but I am here!!! For all of you 21, 22 year olds who go out on a Wednesday night and can't make it in to work on time or at all, this is how it's done!!! And in the words of Little Jim, I am not an alcoholic, I do not go to meetings.........

The Adventures of Little Jim

2009-06-26T14:54:00.017-05:00

Some goof ball that I work with fancies himself a 'decorator' and occasionally leaves me little gifts for my office. The latest was this tiny porcelain elf that I've decided to call "Little Jim", for no particular reason. Ok, there is but I've decided to keep it to myself to protect the not-so-innocent. At the insistence of some of my co-workers (yes, they really had to twist my arm) I took him with me on a business trip to Louisiana. And this was our adventure.....

Little Jim was very excited to go on his first trip to Louisiana. (It was my first trip as well.) He was not, however, too keen on riding in my suitcase. I promised him that I would let him out as soon as we got on the plane.

As promised, I let Jim out to have a look around as soon as we boarded. He was a little nervous about flying so.........

He ordered a bloody mary. I will come to find during this trip that Little Jim drinks. A lot.

After two take-offs and descents, a 40 minute lay-over in Memphis that was extended to about an hour due to complications with the cargo bin on the plane, we arrived in Baton Rouge and rented our car. Little Jim thought we should have been driving a truck since we were in the South. A pink truck. I was starting to wonder exactly which team Little Jim played for.....

After a short drive, we found our hotel and checked in. Little Jim was glad we were only on the second floor. Apparently he is afraid of heights. Little Jim is kind of a wuss. Kind of like another Jim I know, but I digress........

Little Jim wanted to use the phone as soon as we checked in. I don't know who he thought he was going to call. Little Jim doesn't have any friends. Just like another Jim, I know. Hmm.......

Little Jim insisted on jumping on the bed before we could leave to go meet Melissa. I think Little Jim may have ADHD.

After an early morning flight and a long afternoon of going through files, Little Jim and I were both exhausted so we headed back to the hotel. On our way back to the hotel Little Jim insisted that I stop and buy him a bottle of wine. He drank the whole thing while we watched 'Sweet Home Alabama'. It was white wine. I'm pretty sure I know which team Little Jim is playing for now..

After the movie (and the wine) Little Jim brushed his teeth.......

Said his prayers.......

And fell fast asleep........

The next morning we completed the file review, which left the afternoon to explore New Orleans. Little Jim was particularly excited, which should have been my first clue that he was not going to behave himself. Don't let the 'angelic' smile fool you, he's a handful. Just like someone else I know.....

It started at lunch. Little Jim thought this was a vodka tonic and dove right in. Much to his displeasure, it was just water......

Next stop was Pat O'Brien's. Little Jim had to order a hurricane, of course. He said something about it being a 'tradition'. It wasn't even five o'clock yet. I think Little Jim may have a problem....

Little Jim is also very vain. I think he would still be staring at himself in the mirror at Pat O'Brien's if I hadn't promised to buy him another drink.

Once Little Jim spotted the gay/lesbian gift shop, he temporarily forgot about drinking. He insisted on going in. He even bought a magnet for his "friend". I know for sure which team he's playing for......

Here is Little Jim on top of the piano bar in the oldest bar in New Orleans. This is where he really started to get out of control. He about got us thrown out of the place because he insisted on singing 'It's raining men' at the top of his lungs. The staff was not amused. Neither were we.....

Imagine the look of disappointment on Little Jim's face when he discovered that a 'gentleman's club' was not what he thought it was. He did want to buy a shirt that said 'I stripped at Rick's' but they didn't have his size.......

The next stop was a musical festival at a square in down town New Orleans. Little Jim was in rare form here. The only way I could keep him from grabbing my phone, dialing numbers and then handing it to me was by taking his picture. He is such an attention whore.....

He was going on and on about becoming a judge when I took this. I told him to keep dreaming......

This was taken at dinner, and it was all down hill from there. I don't even want to mention what happened next. Let's just say that photo is not fit for public consumption....... We tried to stage an impromptu intervention, but he insisted that he wasn't an alcoholic because he doesn't go to meetings. I think that Little Jim may have scared Melissa's friends that joined us for dinner.....

Finally, finally, FINALLY Little Jim had the good sense to just pass out! He was feeling a little under the weather the next morning and spent the trip home sleeping it off in my purse. After his exploits he's darn lucky I didn't make him travel in my checked baggage.

Lesson learned from my adventures with Little Jim? Never trust a man dressed like an elf.

Sad Day

2009-06-26T12:30:00.008-05:00

Yesterday was a very sad day as both Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson died. It kind of felt like a little piece of my childhood died with them. Farrah was my favorite angel. I always wanted to be Jill, but since I was a brunette I always had to be Kelly. My friend Tracy (yes that is us in my back yard, circa 1976), who was also a brunette by the way, always got to be Jill just because her always bleached out to almost blond every summer with all the sun and chlorine. Totally unfair. I, however, did possess the most coveted, 'Jill Monroe' trading card. And a 'Charlie's Angels' lunch box. I wish I still had both, but I'm sure my mother threw both of them out, long long ago. OH, and by the way this iconic poster? It hung on the wall of my second grade classroom. No lie! My teacher, either Mr. Pettijohn or Mr. Leeper, I forget which one was a big fan and hung it on the wall of the classroom. The other was a fan of Cheryl Tieggs and her poster hung on the wall as well. How well do you think that would fly today? We all knew that Farrah was pretty sick and with all the press coverage lately, the announcement of her death, while sad was not nearly as shocking as Michael Jackson's. This one even got a phone call from my sister who was driving and heard it on the radio. I was not a huge Michael Jackson fan, but I liked some of his music and had the album 'Thriller'. Who didn't? In fact, I believe it is warping in my attic as I type.... No, the big Michael fan in our family had to be my little brother. Yep, Uncle Bernie loved him some Michael Jackson! I remember the big family vacation to Disney Land in December of 1984. I was 14, he was 7, my sister was 11. He had one of those Michael Jackson jackets with all the zippers and my grandma had hand sewn a bunch of silver sequins on an old white glove for him. He wore this lovely "ensem" every where we went. My sister and I begged our mom not to let him as we were a teenager and a "tween" and were terribly embarrassed. My mother was a good mother and refused our request, instead allowing her little boy, to be a little boy. (I am now learning this lesson. See Mr. Sam's 'Wicked' photos....) Looking back it was very sweet actually. Oh, but if I can find any of those old pictures, I am totally scanning them and posting them! Ok, so like I said, not a huge Michael fan, more so a Farrah fan. Watching all the coverage last night, I only cried once. When they showed Farrah's documentary and they showed the part where her son was allowed to leave jail and visit her. He crawled in her bed, called her 'mommy' and I lost it. I'm tearing up thinking about it right now. But here's the weird thing. I was in my car today and 104.5 was doing a musical tribute to Michael Jackson. I'm singing 'I want you back' at the top of my lungs and I burst into tears! I must be premenstrual. Or maybe it was because I wasn't picturing the freak show that he had become, but that sweet little boy who sang that song, who I guess in a way, died a long time ago. Oh my God, I can't believe I just wrote that. I am definitely pre-menstrual. I've got to go yell at my husband or something so I can feel like myself again.....

Ode to Jim

2009-06-25T00:20:00.004-05:00

I just want to post a quick shout out to my wonderful husband Jim (yes, now is the point at which Deana starts gagging but it must be done nevertheless). My asthma has been kicking my ass this whole week and he's gone above and beyond taking care of Grand Master B, the house and me. He spent the entire afternoon finishing laundry while I slugged on the couch and wheezed. He's really fabulous to this whole family and I'm not sure that I tell him often enough how much I love and appreciate him.

So this is my homage to the man. I absolutely love this picture of us. In September 2007, we traveled to the East Coast, taking in a Sox game at Fenway Park in Boston and then spending time with Jim's family in New York. We spent a fantastic day seeing the sights in NYC (I particularly loved Central Park). Then we took a sunset cruise around the island of Manhattan. The guy across the boat was kind enough to snap a photo for us which is pretty lucky because Jim proposed about 10 seconds after this pic was taken. Totally spur of the moment, totally romantic and totally perfect. Here's to you Jimbo - I love you.

Crazy Good Self-Portrait

2009-06-23T22:37:00.010-05:00

A few weeks ago I was messing around with my camera and ended up doing a mini self-portrait session. I was pleasantly surprised with the results. I rarely like photographs of myself - let alone those that I have taken myself. But I actually got a couple of cool and interesting shots. I wasn't attempting a 'pretty picture' (I can already hear Deana's sarcastic "Thank God") but I was working on snapping a balanced and visually interesting photo. This is one of my favorites. I like the composition, how my figure is centered in the mirror and how the mirror is centered in the room. But the photo 'as is' was a bit too severe, too many sharp lines so once again I found my saving grace via Photoshop. I used some digital brushes (courtesy of House of 3) to soften things up. First I used the Inked Edges brushes along the edges. Then I used a central decorative tag (aptly named French Ooh La La) on an overlay layer to add visual interest. It's one of my most successful adventures yet which is darn exciting.

Deana says: I believe I'm going to have to start calling you Annie Leibovitz soon..... ;o)

Jenn says: That's an incredible compliment - especially as you know I harbor a secret obsession with all things Jewish and kinda want to convert.

Deana says: I had an obsession with middle-aged Jewish men in my early twenties. I'm not sure what that was all about. But then again, I did a lot of things in my twenties that I now question.....

Jenn says: Didn't we all? I shudder to remember some of those exploits.

Deana says: Or outfits. Or boyfriends. Or guys we picked up in bars......or camp grounds......Hey, did I ever tell you about the blind date I went on with the guy who insisted on calling his car the 'bat mobile'? I think I was 19 and I know I can thank my high school friend for that one.....

Jenn says: Was he in the band, too?

Deana says: Ha ha. No.

Photoshop Fun

2009-06-22T23:58:00.007-05:00

I've been taking an online photo editing class through Jessica Sprague's website. She is a scrapbook diva, especially anything digital. The basic photo editing class was wonderful and taught me alot about Photoshop. Now she is offering a free class on adding masks, brushes, frames and blending. The class starts July 6th but I read an online tutorial this evening about masks. I learned how to use a mask in Photoshop Elements tonight and I used this fabulous picture of Deana and I to learn the technique. I really like the final product. Let me know what you think.

Deana says: Well, I guess now I no longer blog in anonymity! No autographs, please...... ;o)

Jenn says: You told me it was okay to use "real" pictures of us and the kids after the summer wine blogging session...maybe all the wine interfered with your memory.

Deana says: You say that like you don't know how I get after a couple of bottles, I mean glasses, of wine...

Jenn says: No, I know how you get. I'm pretty sure it is exactly how I get.

Deana says: I can neither confirm nor deny to any degree of certainty as we usually drink together and well, you know how I get..... And now, we have come full circle....

I Love Fridays

2009-06-12T07:58:00.002-05:00

I just love the semi-celebratory feeling that I have as I arrive at work on Fridays. It's empowering.

Extreme Blog Makeover

2009-06-09T16:33:00.008-05:00

I was visiting the website for House of 3 this morning and I came across a totally new concept - blog couture. Now as my good friends can attest, my curiosity is piqued at anything related in any way to couture. I love couture, I long for couture; but due to factors outside my control (generally a lack of funding) I am unable to realize the dream of owning couture...until now! Thanks to someone else's ingenuity I was able to choose a set of custom blog templates, including a background (which I have since deleted because I prefer the clean white background) and a header, and install them myself. Instructions were ridiculously simple and came with templates. And it only cost me $3 - pretty good for couture.

We're Back...

2009-06-07T14:17:00.007-05:00

So we know that we've been away for a bit but life got hectic and interfered with blogging. We thought today that we'd come back with a couple of recommendations for nice, inexpensive summer wines. Deana has a subscription to Real Simple magazine and they did a nice article on summer wines under $12 (see the whole article here). We picked out two wines that are top on our list to try - a red and a white.

We like a couple of things about this Jargon pinot noir. Clearly, the label is impressive with bright summer colors and a clever font. It caught our eye right away. Now we know that judging a wine solely on its packaging can sometimes be a disastrous choice but every once in a while it can lead you to try something wonderful. Also this red features dark cherry flavors that complement its easy drinking nature...at least that's what the wine experts at Real Simple have led us to believe. Plus it's red wine which right away fits in our wheelhouse - we're just not that choosy! Also, we've found that if at first you don't like a particular wine drink, drink something else. When you go back and taste the first wine it is ALOT better.

We also recommend the Clean Slate riesling. Obviously, the name sparked an interest right from the get go... "Everybody deserves a second chance" or a clean slate as it were. But what really excited us was the description of the delicious peach and apricot flavors that brighten up this clean, crisp white. Although we are not as drawn to white wines at first glance as we are to reds, whites do have a distinct advantage - they are socially acceptable for early morning or afternoon drinking. It just screams "wino" to order a Cabernet at brunch...although as Deana pointed out you could make sure your wait staff brings the wine in a juice glass and then tell everyone that it is grape juice. But you'll have to be hypervigilant to prevent a youngster from sipping on your "grape juice" or you may end up with some angry parents.

We thought we'd leave you with this awesome photo of Mr. Sam after he went with Jenn to see Wicked last weekend. We actually won the Wicked lottery and got our tickets for only $25 each! And our seats were in the fifth row - we could see everything perfectly. After the show, Mr. Sam kept acting out scenes from the witch's life. This shot is my favorite...

Oh, what a night...

2009-05-16T08:53:00.010-05:00

We had such a wonderful time last night! The past two weeks have been very difficult for our family. Grand Master B has been dealing with some significant health issues, leaving me unable to work and with very little time or energy for socializing or blogging (gasp!). However, things seem to have stabilized and we are waiting for a final long-term treatment plan to be put into place. I am back to work and even got out of the house for an evening amongst adults last night. Thanks to everyone who has supported us during this time.

I particularly want to thank my Aunt Mary who sat with B last night so that Jim, Deana, my mom and I could go see Wicked at The Orpheum. What a fantastic show! We had bought the tickets weeks ago and we were taking my mom as a combination Mother's Day and birthday present. I had been fearful that we might not be able to go given B's issues but God was loving our family last night. We had such a wonderful night - great dinner, great show and great company. If you get the chance to see Wicked while it is in town, do not hesitate. It is superb! Deana and I even got matching "Defy Gravity" tees which we will go out of our way to not wear on the same day (but I make no promises cuz it's such a cute tee). The shirts are v-neck and the wording goes down each side of the vee across the chest, potentially creating quite a 'double entendre' depending upon the size of one's chest. I'm not sure that my own endowments will astound but it puts a smile on my face just to think about wearing it. And after the past two weeks, that is blessing enough.

What A Week

2009-05-08T10:01:00.002-05:00

Sometimes there are just not any words...

Life Goes On

2009-05-05T12:11:00.006-05:00

When we last visited with our faithful heroines, they had recently survived scathing attacks by the dreaded salt wash of the Master Cleanse...

But we have since returned to our "regularly scheduled programming" in terms of food and life has settled down into a semblance of normalcy. We are working together to make healthy food choices (which included a rockin' fun grocery trip to WalMart on Sunday), stay on track with a WW program and incorporate more exercise into our lifestyle. The weekend went really well. I went for a walk around the neighborhood on Saturday and Deana took the kids downtown to explore the Old Market. Then on Sunday after spending way too much time and money at WalMart, we had the Walocha's over for dinner. I roasted a pork loin and summer vegetables mixed with an Asian- spiced honey mustard marinade and Deana made some super yummy brown rice (the secret is to cook the rice in chicken or beef stock for added flavor). Then we hung out and watched Across The Universe. It was low-key but very fun. Grand Master B even graced us with his presence and danced with his mother around the living room.

Deana says - "Rockin fun trip to Walmart?" Apparently Jenn has the ability to block out my children behaving like maniacs. I think they must pump some sort of air additive into those stores that make children ask for everything they see, run like hyenas and generally just behave badly. I don't think I've said 'no' so much since high school.....

Oh, What Beautiful Morning...

2009-05-02T11:26:00.002-05:00

I feel so blessed as to actually be able to consume food today. I am surprised at myself but one of the things I missed the most during the MC experiment was coffee. I usually start my work day with a large cup of coffee (or a skinny vanilla latte from the Starbuck's in the VA lobby if I'm treating myself) and I found that I was really craving a cup of coffee all week. I didn't feel like I needed the caffeine but lordy, I did miss the taste of coffee...so you can bet your ass that the first thing I did upon awakening this morning was make myself a large cuppa. I might even go have a croissant later!

Saying Goodbye To The Master Cleanse

2009-05-02T11:04:00.007-05:00

My Day Six was about as enjoyable as Deana's but for the exact opposite reason. We have both learned that we have exaggerated responses to the "Shit Ass" Salt Wash - Deana holds onto the salt and I can't stop letting the salt go. After conferencing yesterday afternoon, we decided to end the MC experiment. We started this process as a motivator for weight loss and (of course) self-improvement. And when the process starts making you sick, causes you to contemplate suicide or results in massive body bloat, it is time to stop. In review, we both did actually lose weight and we both really liked some aspects of juicing (radiance juice). I will probably incorporate this juice as an option for breakfast in my weight loss action plan.

Next stop:

CONFESSION FRIDAY!

2009-05-01T13:15:00.003-05:00

I almost forgot about Confession Friday! I confess that I was so upset this morning (See Day Six entry) that to make myself feel better and to amuse myself, I matched my shoes not to my outfit (yet they do) or even my purse---- I matched them to my underwear. And now I giggle like a four year-old every time I go to the bathroom, which has been a lot today. Again see Day Six entry.......

Day Six

2009-05-01T12:53:00.003-05:00

Ok, I'm not going to lie, I thought about quitting this morning when I discovered that a) the alleged 'salt cleanse' not only does not cleanse me and makes me feel bloated and all around crappy, but it also causes me to retain so much of the water that I've been drinking that not only did I not lose any weight, I somehow managed to gain three pounds overnight and b) since I was so bloated I could not get my wedding ring on. After my initial freak out I calmed down and decided since I willingly signed up for this train ride to hell, by God I was going to finish it! I've since peed about every hour or so and have been able to put my ring back on. Whether I'll be able to get it off again remains to be seen. On my last trip to the bathroom, I discovered that I am "this close" to being able to get the jeans off that I am currently wearing without unbuttoning them, (a skill which came in handy in high school, but I digress.......) which is encouraging because they are a size smaller then what I was comfortable in last week. In any event, I will no longer be 'salt cleansing', but may use something you can find at Walgreen's and screw Dr. "Only organic holier than thou Butt-hole" that invented the MC. My body likes the toxins and "it wants what it wants". So there.

Day Five, Part Two

2009-04-30T21:39:00.002-05:00

There really are no other words necessary in attempting to recap this day.

Day Five

2009-04-30T09:49:00.002-05:00

Well, eventually the "salt cleanse" did work for me as well, though not as spectacularly as it did for Jenn. Hmm, does that mean one of us is more full of something then the other? I wonder..... The lemonade concoction does work wonders on the appetite and I agree Day Four was soooooo much better then Day Three. I suspect that finishing my appellate brief and getting my cubicle packed and moved into my new office helped. Although I am 'homeless' so to speak until Monday, but that's ok. Right now I am working on somebodyelse's computer and I fully intend on finding a picture of a kitty or John Tesh or something and changing his screen saver......I am also happy to report that I have kicked my caffeine habit and was not tired at all when I got up this morning! Although I did let my self sleep until 8 to celebrate finishing my brief. Ah, I long for the days when celebrating something like that involved alcohol. One more week!

Day Four, Part Two - The Pooping Begins...for one of us anyway

2009-04-30T00:17:00.004-05:00

So we started the actual "cleansing" portion of the MC which I have come to understand is just a euphemism for inducing copious amounts of stool, and by stool I mean explosive liquid shooting out of the ass. In order to stimulate such "cleansing", we willingly mixed one Tablespoon of Kosher salt with a bottle of water and downed it like it was a UV Bomb on celebration Saturday at the Dell. And after about 30 minutes, I had the expected effects but Deana was not having as much success in "cleansing" her bowels as I did (and I'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing). I did not have any abdominal cramping during this whole production which is just so very wonderful and now I'm convinced that I have discovered my very own *natural laxative* for those times when I might not be so regular in my bowel habits...screw Jamie Lee Curtis and that expensive Activia nonsense. I will stick to my Kosher (aka Shit Ass) Salt Wash, thank you very much.

Anyway, Day Four was the complete opposite of Day Three. It was all smooth sailing. I felt good, was productive at work & around the house, didn't feel starved and experienced no emotional breakdowns. I did agree with Deana that the lemon juice/maple syrup/ cayenne pepper mixture was surprisingly tasty. It was not a chore to drink. It did curb the appetite so today was hunger-pang free. Hallelujah!!! And to date, I have lost 7.5 pounds which has resulted in a much looser waistband. I even broke out the P.M. Yoga dvd before getting into bed.

Day Three Revisitied

2009-04-29T08:32:00.006-05:00

Yesterday, I did not portion out my juice in a way that makes any type of sense because I was not on my regular schedule. I didn't work and had several meeting, including a mind numbing strategic planning session. By the time I got home in the late evening I was shaky, tearful and totally exhausted....but I drank my juice and felt much better so I blame hypoglycemia (that's low blood sugar for all you non-medical folks). It was definitely the hardest day yet so I am hoping for the best today as we move into stage two - The Lemonade Diet. We mixed up the freshly juiced lemons and that effing 100% pure maple syrup last night and it tastes just like good old fashioned lemonade. I was just so pleasantly surprised by my sampling last night. Of course, before we drink each portion we do have to add a small amount of cayenne pepper so this could certainly eff the whole up. Wish me luck. I"ll post more later this evening for your enjoyment on Day Four. Smooches!

Day Four

2009-04-29T08:27:00.005-05:00

8:30 a.m. -Well, I'm not as tired this morning, which is good considering I didn't go to bed until after 11 due to CMT showing 'Beer for my horses'. Yes, I know its a stupid movie, and I love every stupid minute of it! And a little Toby Keith, or 'Uncle Toby' as my kids and I call him (my husband loooooves this by the way) was exactly what I needed. Yesterday was a little rough. Yes, I did get out of going to the stupid luncheon, but I spent most of the day working on an appellate brief, or as I like to call it, beating my head against the wall. Oh, and the highlight of my day, finding out at about noon that my entire desk has to be packed up by the end of today! It was supposed to be tomorrow, but nobody tells me anything, but again I digress....... Today is the first day of the 'lemonade' portion of the cleanse. I'm not going to lie, as we were making the concoction last night, Jenn and I were both a little afraid. Thankfully after a small taste test sans the cayenne pepper, we discovered it doesn't taste so bad. This morning I added the cayenne, and so far so good. It's a little spicy, but not too bad. It actually does curb the appetite, at least for now................I would kill or die for a diet coke, however........

Day Three

2009-04-28T08:36:00.004-05:00

8:30 a.m.- As I sit at my desk drinking my o.j., I just learned that the ease in/ease out days of this great adventure were optional. I wonder what else Jenn hasn't told me??? Did I peel all of those oranges for nothing?? Would Minute Maid been sufficient? Hmmm. I must investigate this....... Any hoo, woke up feeling pretty good. Lost a couple of more pounds (And yes I too know this is only water weight, but maybe, just maybe I have 20 lbs of water in my body. It could happen.) I stuck to my juices and water yesterday and only smoked a half a pack of cigarettes, which I think is pretty good considering I still have to prepare meals for Mister Sam and Princess Izzy. I don't think that brown rice has ever looked so good! I think I wore myself out getting ready for work as I had a huge rush of 'tired' as I drove in, but the o.j. seems to be helping with that. I think all the work on the computer this morning will not. However, that will not be as bad as the stupid luncheon I have been told I must attend this afternoon. I'm trying to think of excuses to give as to why I'm not eating. So far I've come up with "Sorry, I've had a revelation and I'm only eating Kosher from now on" or "I'm on a hunger strike in support of that journalist in Iran" or "Oh my God, I'm allergic to EVERYTHING that's being served", each to be followed with "that's ok, I'll just drink my juice". I guess I could go with the truth (but how fun is that??). Perhaps if I described the MC in enough detail, nobody at my table would want to eat!

I'm So Over 100% Pure Maple Syrup

2009-04-27T22:28:00.003-05:00

Two quarts of this magic elixir, this nectar of the gods (which is the requisite amount for 5 days on the MC) cost $40.00! That is almost as much as the Juiceman costs - it's outrageous...so I better be as "cleansed" as if The Pope blessed me himself. On the plus side I have lost nearly 5 pounds since Saturday. And yes, I know it's "just water weight."

Day Two, Part Two - Anorexia and Attack of the Killer Oranges

2009-04-27T21:59:00.005-05:00

So I made it through the rest of the day but I really lost steam in the afternoon...and I was crazy hungry. I guess that's just a side effect of not eating so maybe I'll get used to it. I was totally sitting on my couch this afternoon dreaming of food like this: muffins, donuts and bread, oh my! I could actually taste the flaky goodness of a buttery croissant. So to distract myself, I employed a time-honored emergency technique that I learned from my anorexic friend - I watched the Food Network and cooked for someone else. And it did work for a little while...just the visual stimulation from the food on tv and the aroma of the (re-heated) dinner that I made for Grand Master B distracted me from the hunger pangs, although you would think that a 16 year could make his own stinkin' leftovers.

Later, Deana and her kids came over so we could juice tomorrow's supply. Day Three consists of drinking 2 liters of fresh orange juice - not frozen, not from concentrate and not inexpensive unless you buy whole oranges in bulk and juice them yourself...which is what we did. But holy buckets, it was quite a chore. I thought juicing all the damn lemons was going to be the hard part but no, no, no it was the killer oranges. Apparently, the rinds of oranges contain an oil that makes the juice bitter (so do grapefruits and tangerines if you're interested) so you have to peel every one of them before they can go into the juicer. Not such a big deal, right? WRONG!!! To extract enough juice for Deana and I to meet tomorrow's quota we had to peel and juice 48 flipping oranges. I was operating the juicer and cleaning it out after every 6-8 oranges due to the copious amounts of pulp produced so poor Deana had to peel nearly all of those 48 oranges herself. We looked upon it as exercise given that juicing the oranges expended more calories than we had consumed in the whole day...and we weren't even dizzy.

Day Two

2009-04-27T09:30:00.005-05:00

9:30 a.m. - So I got like 11 hours of sleep last night and I'm still tired. Damn you caffeine!!! Which also makes me a little short on patience. Not a good time for a new computer system to be installed or for whiny/bitchy people that I don't know to call me at work. Whiny/bitchy people that I know have an open invitation. I had some "radiance juice" for breakfast. (I wonder if I'm glowing?) So far, so good. Not really hungry, haven't even had a cigarette yet today. (That's not going to last, just typing the word makes me want one.) I do have a little bit of headache. Not sure if that's from the lack of caffeine or the brief I'm working on......oh and I was right, I did pee out 2 lbs of water weight yesterday, which meant I could get my rings on this morning. Whoo Hoo!! And for the record, yesterday I ate 3 bananas, an entire cumcumber, half a cantelope and a plethera of strawberries. My stomach is still confused.......

10:33 a.m. - Jenn woke up feeling really good at 6:45 this morning which is definitely an usual occurrence as let's just say that I am not a "morning person" rather than labeling me with any sort of name-calling. I've had pretty good energy and (until I allowed myself to blog) I have been very productive at work. I'm not feeling hungry and I am drinking my radiance juice as well. I am worried about my energy level this afternoon but I remain hopeful. I am actually proud of myself for sticking to the program...especially because I keep remembering that the ease in/ease out days are *optional*. However, the program works best if you do it as designed so I'm sticking to all options. Yesterday I ate one apple, an entire cantelope, about a cup of strawberries, one pear, one red bell pepper and a cup of V8 (100% vegetable) juice. I'm still not sure that using V8 juice is kosher but I've decided that I don't care.

Day One-

2009-04-26T09:38:00.009-05:00

9:00 a.m. - Ok, strawberries and bananas for breakfast, I can handle that. Water instead of diet coke? I can do anything for 11 days. The last time I gave up caffeine and alcohol for this long, I ended up with a new born. Ok, maybe the alcohol was what got me the new born, but I digress.....Thank God, the MC (What a clever moniker! Love, Jenn) said nothing about cigarettes. Just for fun, I think I'll wear my Miller Lite hat to the office.

10:05 a.m. - This no caffeine thing is going to suck. I wonder if 'no-doze' is allowed? Must check with Jenn. I've only been awake for an hour and a half and I already need a nap.....

12:11a.m. - Jenn says 'no-doze' is most certainly not allowed as it is comprised entirely of CAFFEINE. Next time you're wondering about which type of drugs are allowed on the MC, I suggest you check out the list of ingredients first. And before you even ask, let's just go ahead and outlaw any type of drug that doesn't come pre-packaged with a listing of ingredients. Remember, we're on the road to self-improvement.

12:24 - Deana says I didn't realize that the MC was the 'no fun' diet. Ok, maybe I did, I just was hoping I was wrong. I'm about to eat some cantelope and crack open my third bottle of water. I've also visited the bathroom 4 times since I began posting this morning. That's GOT to be at least a couple of pounds of water weight.....

8:21p.m. - Jenn is totally loving the Juiceman! Oh my goodness, did we get a lot done this evening in preparation for tomorrow. We each have 3 'to go' containers of different juices for tomorrow, plus our 1 liter bottles of filtered water. I am amazed at how wonderful and yummy fresh juice tastes. We took one tiny shortcut and are using low-sodium V8 on the all-juice day two. The bottle says '100% vegetable juice' and that's good enough for us. So we each have one bottle of V8, one bottle of Radiance Juice (check out the recipe here) and one bottle of a different experimental mixed juice. My mixture has mango/cucumber/apple/carrot/orange and Deana's mix has celery/apple/pear/strawberry/raisin. You might be surprised but both are actually pretty tasty...of, course all we've eaten today is produce so take any advice from us with a grain of salt. I am proud to have made it through Day One. My husband was sitting next to me an hour ago eating chicken stir-fry (that smelled like heaven, let me tell you) and I was tempted for a bite. But otherwise today went really well. I'm a little hungry but not ravenous and no more bitchy than usual. So far, so good.

The Last Supper

2009-04-25T21:54:00.009-05:00

Well, after a harrowing evening spent in the produce section (did you check out all those effing lemons?!?) we are prepared to start the Master Cleanse. Tomorrow is Day One and we will be "easing in" by eating only fruits and veggies. But don't get yourself all up in a tizzy. It's not like we joined PETA...we still wear animal skin and will consume flesh on Day Twelve. Here's what was on the menu tonight.

Plus a little of this -

As you might have predicted, we totally pigged out on this fantabulous feast tonight, our very own last supper. We wanted to eat a wide variety of products as the Master Cleanse is so damn restrictive. Of course, you can't eat food - but did you know that you can't have anything to drink but water?!?

Not this
And especially none of this (Deana says BOO but since I don't drink beer I'm trying to act like I don't care when in reality I'm already drunk on wine)

So, we're off to drink ourselves silly (each to her own signature cocktail). It feels just like Fat Tuesday around here - and the pun was totally intended.

How Many Lemons Does It Take To Lose 20 Pounds?

2009-04-25T21:38:00.001-05:00

I sure as hell hope this is enough.

The Preparations Begin

2009-04-25T12:39:00.004-05:00

The driving force behind the creation of this blog was a means of documenting our lives, especially the exciting projects, the clever insights and of course, our longstanding quest for self-improvement. At this moment, we are both beyond a "healthy weight" and we've been feeling a need for a change. In the past, Weight Watchers has worked well for both of us - Deana is even a lifetime member because after her first child she did an incredible job taking off those baby pounds and maintaining her goal weight. But the intervening years have not been exactly kind to our figures. The combination of hitting the "middle age spread" courtesy of our 30's, a dwindling motivation for any type of physical activity and copious amounts of alcohol and fast food has resulted in maximum proportions. We've decided to take action.

Sure, a reasonable plan of eating less, choosing healthy food, limiting alcohol and exercising more is the *best* way to reach our goals. And we are definitely going to go that route....just not right now. First we decided that we need to something extreme to kick off our new lifestyle, something to detox and (hopefully) drop an impressive load o' pounds...hey it worked for Beyonce so why not us. Tomorrow we start "The Master Cleanse."

The Master Cleanse breaks down into three parts: an Ease-In, The Lemonade Diet and an Ease-Out. Both the entry and exit portions occur over 3 days and involve moving from solid food (fruits and veggies only) to just juice and then back to solid food. We are fairly confident that we can handle this. It's the Lemonade Diet that scares the shit out of us. For as many days as you can last (we are aiming for 5), you get to survive on a mixture of lemon juice, maple syrup and cayenne pepper (Mmmmm - can't wait) with loads and loads of water, plus a fantastic "all natural" laxative solution each evening designed to remove all the toxins and sludge we've built up with our nasty habits. Sounds totally fun, right? Feel free to participate along with us. You can learn all about The Master Cleanse here.

All right. I'm off to buy produce (40 lemons - Yikes!!) and a juicer.

CONFESSION FRIDAY!!!!

2009-04-24T07:21:00.004-05:00

Deana says: I confess I think I may have become possessed by a 12 yr old boy. First there was the whole "Blew Enterprises" with the building on the property housed the Alliance Head Start, all happening in Box Butte County thing, which I've decided must send its graduates to Morehead State. Then there's the giggling every time some sports announcer says "Ball screen", "ball handling" or "Harry Marshall" (that just sounds dirty). Two days ago I saw a headline in the OWH that read "Bo loves Husker Stable in Backfield" and I had to check with the Judge to see if she thought that sounded dirty. (She did.) I just can't figure out how and when I became possessed by one of those kids on the Disney Channel. I don't even watch it that much.......

Jenn adds: And when did I become so desensitized? I mean, I've always had a pretty dark sense of humor. I'm sarcastic, mocking, sometimes caustic but usually hilarious. And I'm extremely fair about it all - I make fun of everything, especially myself. But last night I went to *Family Night* at my godson's pre-school, so the place was chock full of children...all kinds of children as would be implied by *Family Night*. So when I see an innocent, beautiful and happy pre-schooler who just happens to have Down's Syndrome, do I celebrate the diversity? No, no I start giggling because I am immature and immediately think of all the retard jokes in my repertoire. Even better - when I tell Deana why I am giggling, does she scold me or challenge me to rise above my base nature? Nope, she starts giggling too.

Deana adds: I just came back from running an errand downtown and had to drive past a local 'gentleman's club'. I noticed on the sign that their happy hour starts at noon. I confess that I'm now wondering if those prices are for drinks or the dances? Anyone?

It's Official - We're Bloggin' Fools

2009-04-23T21:31:00.000-05:00

Aloha! My name is Jenn. My friend Deana and I took the plunge and entered the ever-changing but always amusing world of blogging. Welcome to the front row as we explore our fabulous lives and amazing (mis)adventures. We've been best friends and co-conspirators for nearly 20 years. Just recently we've decided the world is finally ready to benefit from our wit, wisdom and wackiness...and experience from afar our upcoming exploits. We've got a special treat planned for tomorrow. So hang on and enjoy the ride!